gifts

He sat by a fire of sevenfold heat,

as He looked at the precious ore,

And closer He bent with a searching gaze

as He heated it more and more.

He knew He had ore that could stand the test,

and He wanted the finest gold

to mold as a crown for the King to wear,

set with gems with a price untold.

so He laid our gold in the burning fire,

though we would have asked for delay,

and He watched the dross that we had not seen,

and it melted and passed away.

and the gold grew brighter and yet more bright,

but, our eyes were so dim with tears,

we saw but the fire--not the Master's hand,

and questioned with anxious fears.

yet our gold shone out with a richer glow,

as it mirrored a Form above,

that bent o're the fire, though unseen by us,

with a look of unspeakable love.

should we think that it pleases His loving heart

to cause us a moment's pain?

not so! for He saw through the present cross

the joy of eternal gain.

so He waited there with a watchful eye,

with a love that is strong and sure,

and His gold did not suffer a bit more heat,

than was needed to make it pure.

dec

I just wrote dec for the title for lack of other thought.
It is the 2nd of dec. but anyway, been sitting here watching
rain. if the temp would drop a few degrees it might turn to snow
or sleet or something else exciting...but rain...well...

last week I spent four days visiting my grandmother.
She is 92 now. She had a stroke the weekend before
thanksgiving. She has had several mini strokes
in the past year...but this wasn't mini. Now she
can't move her right arm and leg...and the right
side of her face droops a little. She is right handed.
For days the family has gathered around to visit and
help her eat and drink. If she were younger and more
aware of her situation she might be able to learn to eat
with her left hand...but I don't know if she will.

I spent three nights straight with her. Helping her drink
sips of water or juice. smoothing her covers. combing her
hair. singing one night when she was very restless.
holding her hand and telling her over and over that
she didn't have to get up to go to the potty because
she had a catheter. I even had to tell her she could
have a bowel movement in her bed. She was aware
enough at that time to be very disgusted by this...
she was angry that she couldn't get up. but, she
can't remember for more than a few minutes that
her arm and leg won't move. a few times I drifted off
to sleep in a recliner and woke to find her trying with
all her might to get her covers off so she could get up
and go home. Once in the near dark as I rested in the
recliner I heard her say very clearly, let's get our shoes
on and get out of here. I said OK...lets... but, I knew
we couldn't.
That's when I lay in the recliner with tears running down
my cheeks and asked God to come and take my little grandmother
home really soon. She is at the mercy of others. She can't eat,
go to the bathroom, or do anything that we do all the time
and never think what a freedom it is to be able to move
and walk and talk and eat and plan our lives.
I really don't understand this stage of life. When we are
babies we need all the care our parents can give us...but
when we are old and need the same care it is heartbreaking.
I won't even talk about the nursing home care I observed...
if I did it would quickly turn to ranting...I'll save that for another
time.
Now, I'm home. five hours drive away. I really feel for my other
family members who live close and have the burden of care every
single day. I wish I lived closer so I could help more. But, I do know
a little about what they are facing now.
I do know that sometimes she knew me...her oldest grandchild...
when I got ready to leave I leaned over to give her a kiss...
she tried with all her might to kiss me back and told me she loved me.
that was a gift.